“a lack of color”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” –Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s tough growing up. Figuring out who you want to be and which friendships you want to invest more time in, and which ones you don’t. It’s really all about perspective. And when things don’t reach my expectations, I have a really hard time gaining perspective. You have to use perspective for every detail of you life. I have all these dreams and ideas planted firm in my mind and imagination, it’s just really hard for me to reach out and grab them sometimes. And sometimes, it’s something that I want to yank right out of my head and go for it, but I know it’s not right, so instead of taking it, I have to leave it there to dissolve or save it for when the time is right. Another thing I find challenging sometimes is living for God, rather than myself. I want to glorify God with my words, actions, and the way I live my life. And I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I find myself getting side tracked so easily so often. And being a girl, I have a really hard time controlling my emotions when I just want to let them control me. It’s so easy to get caught up in your feelings and emotions. I can’t wait till the day I meet my Heavenly Father. I can’t wait till the day where I will finally be able to let all of my emotions just consume my heart, mind, soul and body and just be in awe and wonder of my King. Sometimes emotions tend to hit me like someone just poured a bucket of ice cold water right on top of me. It knocks the breathe out of me, it burns, and for a moment it feels as if you’re on fire, but then the burning sensation turns to cold, and you find it really difficult to get warm. And you really can’t get warm until you’re dry, and sometimes drying off takes a while. It depends on how many layers of clothing you’re wearing and what the temperature is. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone other than me. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. And that makes it hard for me to realize that someone may not care about me as much as I care about them. I’m one of those people who have high expectations for myself and others involved in my life. Sometimes those expectations need to be there, and then other times they’re totally unrealistic. I put a lot into my relationships. Sometimes I put more into my relationships with people, rather than my relationship with God. I put so much hope and trust into people, and then when they can’t hold it all, and they give up, move on, or don’t even realize, and I end up getting hurt, I wonder why. It’s so ridiculous for me to sit there and wonder “why?” when people disappoint me. The answer is so obvious. It’s because they’re human. People aren’t always going to care as much as I do. And sometimes I’m not going to care as much as they do. Friendships and people are always changing. And it’s not always going to be the kind of change you want. But you can find comfort in the fact that it wont be that way forever, because everything will change again. It’s as sure as the next breathe I’m going to take. It’s there. You can feel it. And when you inhale and exhale, you take in the new and let out the old. Life holds so many exciting adventures and a never ending line of friends. New friends and old friends. And something I’ve learned is that you’re always going to be closer to some friends more than others. And you may go through a time period where you don’t have as many friends as you did before, and at other times you may have more friends than you know what to do with. It’s all about perspective and what you do with what you’re given. A lot of people think that what’s going on in their life determines who they are, but that’s not even close to the truth. How you act during those hard times will shape who you become. Emotions are there. They’re always going to be there. It’s okay to be sad or jealous or angry. God created those emotions and He blessed you will the capability to feel those emotions. But you can’t let those emotions depend on how you live your life or your actions.
“Instead of waiting for the storm to pass, get out there and dance in the rain.”–Unknown.
Written by: Hannah Vaughn
Date: May 10th 2009
Thoughts Released In: “The Notebook of Secrets”
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