november

Happy November! I love saying that! Happy November! Today was like any other ordinary morning. Woke up, took a shower, etc. But then as soon as I got to church, something hit me. It’s the first day of November! After that splendid realization, nothing could bring me down. And I’ve been bouncing on the tip of my toes ever since. I’m sitting outside enjoying the sunshine and cool breeze. Part of me is sad that October is over, and then the other part is glad to have it behind me. It was definitely a trying month. But it was also a month that brought me happiness I’ve never really felt before. On Friday I got to spend a few hours with my kid. I went over to Christi’s house around 8:30 to stay with her for a while. I loved getting to spend some quality time with my good friend. I’m so glad she is on the road to recovery. But I have to say that my favorite part was getting to know my kid a little bit better. Elyse is even more perfect since the last time I saw her. On Friday she weighed 5 lbs 12 oz, and I’m sure she’s gained since then. I got to hold her, bathe her, feed her and burp her. This probably doesn’t sound exciting to most teenagers, but I loved every minute of it. She makes the most cute and hilarious noises. She looks most like Kevin so far, but she definitely has Christi’s deep blue eyes. I’m pretty much in love.

Yesterday was Halloween! I had a blast. As a kid I was never allowed to go trick or treating, and I never dressed up. But last year I decided I would dress up and go to a trunk or treat with some of my friends at their church and hand out candy. I pretty much threw on random stuff i had in my closet. This year I wanted to kick it up a notch. So I decided to dress up as a prom queen who got murdered. I wore a long, blue bridesmaid dress that a friend gave me, and I wore my dad’s old letter jacket and a tiara. I had a blast with the hair and make up. It took about an hour to pile on tons of make up and get my hair just right. It was pretty much awesome. I definitely got some weird looks from a lot of people. I went to a party at Audrey and Riede’s church. Audrey and I hung out there for about an hour, and then we decided to go to wal mart. So we walked around wal mart for a bit, getting some stares and glares from random people. After that we went into Hastings to rent a movie after walking around the square for a bit. And then we went to Wal-Greens for candy, then we went to sonic to get 50 cent corn dogs and a drink. THEN we went back to her house and watched a freaky movie. I got home around midnight, spent 40 minutes washing all the make up and fake blood off my face and neck, and brushing through all the curls that were molded with hair spray. It was definitely the best Halloween I’ve ever had.

Today I’m just relaxing. Enjoying the first day of my favorite month, waiting for my boys to get home from San Antonio, and catching up on random stuff I didn’t have time to do during the week. Tomorrow is enrichment classes. I actually missed last week. I needed a day at home, and I wasn’t feel that great. I’m done babysitting on Tuesday mornings. It’s kinda nice to have one more thing out of the way, but at the same time I was really enjoying the flow of cash. I was cracking up earlier  because Bethany and I had chocolate milk, apple juice and smarties with us, snacking out during church. You know you’re comfortable at a church when you take snacks to eat during the sermon. Well, I hope you all enjoyed reading my rambles.

bliss

 

life

Happy Thursday! I realized that it’s been a while since I updated, so here I am. My itouch arrived sometime several weeks ago. His name is Shanghai (Shane for short), and I pretty much adore him. He is the coolest little piece of technology I have ever had the priviledge of owning. I’m very happy with my purchase to say the least. My life recently has consisted of school, work, hospital visits, prayer, co-op classes, friends, homework, and more prayer. My friend Christi had her baby at the beginning of this month. Yes, Elyse was born on October 4th weighing 3 lbs and 12 oz. Christi had an emergency C-Section. Several days after, Christi  had a seizure. Mom came and got me from work and Ben and I drove straight to the hospital in Dallas. I don’t ever remember feeling that scared. I almost lost one of my best friends, and I am so, so so thankful that Jesus didn’t take her out of my life. I still haven’t met Elyse yet. I’m dying too. Hopefully SOON. Elyse is doing wonderful, and slowly, but steadily gaining weight. I think she is a little over 4 lbs now. And as far as I know, she’s been taking up to 5 bottles a day. They’re trying to get her up to 8. Christi was released from the hospital last week, but of course, has been staying up there to take care of her baby. Well, today her blood pressure went back up, so she has been re-admitted. So please be praying for a permanent recovery for Christi, and for a continuous progress with Elyse. I’ve seen pictures, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful baby. She is absolutely perfect. I still can’t believe that I’m her nanny. It just blows my mind. I absolutely cannot wait to meet her and start being a part of her life.

 

new toy

This bad boy is MINE. I totally ordered a 32 GB ipod touch yesterday! (October 1st 2009.) I know, I know. Jealous, huh? Well don’t feel bad. I’m almost jealous of myself. Okay, enough gloating. I’m just so darn excited! I love the whole process of going insane while waiting for that beautiful, big, brown truck to pull up to your house. That white and nerdy little man in the way too tight uniform, exposing his farmer’s tan, holding a marvelous box in one hand, as he pushes that shiny button (also known as the door bell) to beckon you towards your package. Warm blood gushing through your veins, heart throbbing, and then the ends of your lips twitch into a smile. You thank the dorky little man, take your box, close the door…and…YES! I think you all know how it goes down from there. It’s a dreaded, yet favored past time. I hate waiting…yet I love it. *SQUEALS* Oh man…I am so excited.

save your soul.

Good news, folks. I’m still alive! I survived the bears and raccoons! Actually, if I’m being honest; we had more trouble with the catapillers than anything. I think the mosquitoes up there were on steroids. No joke, they were massive. I literally felt the weight of it land on me, and when I smacked it, blood squirted everywhere. I’m serious about the catapillers though. They would randomly bite people. It was pretty weird. I can’t even begin to tell you how glad I was that we rented a cabin. There’s just something so comforting about having a toilet opposed to the woods. I think my favorite part of the whole trip was our devotional on Sunday morning. After we finished eating breakfast, we gathered around the campfire and just sang and talked. “We are gathered here in this place to worship You.” That’s a line from one of the songs we sung, and it totally hit home for me. It’s so easy to be out in the middle of the woods, listening to the rush of the water, the crackling of the fire, the crickets singing, the smell of fresh air and campfire smoke, and the overwhelming colors of all the trees and water, and to praise God. But what about when we’re at home. I don’t know about everyone else, but it’s hard for me to praise God when I’m frustrated that the house is dirty and no one seems to be cleaning up after themselves, or when I’m working on school and I just don’t understand the assignment, or especially when I’m dealing with hard things in my life. But wanna know what’s so awesome? God doesn’t give a crap where we are, He just wants to be with us. He wants to go where we go. He wants to meet with us and talk to us. Man, I love Him so much. It’s so cool that I could be sitting in a dumpster in a dark alley, reeking of month old leftovers, and God wouldn’t care! He’d be sitting in that dumpster, perfectly content, and more than happy to be with me. It just blows my mind to even think about how much He genuinely loves me. Anyways, back to the camping trip. I pretty much hung out with Sam most of the time. I was feeling pretty discouraged about some stuff, and Sam is just one of those people who is so enthusiastic for others and things they’re excited about. It’s just really uplifting to be telling someone about something you’re really excited for, and to be able to see in their face that they’re just as excited for you. It was really encouraging to be around that for a couple days. I had a blast getting some cool pictures. We pretty much ate, played mafia, talked, swam, ate some more, sat in front of the campfire, etc. It was a good, relaxing trip. Not much else is on my mind that I really care to talk about. I really need to get my hair trimmed. These split ends are driving me crazy. I can’t wait to curl up in bed and indulge in my book again. I can’t believe my uncle got a tatoo before I did. I wish I didn’t have work tomorrow so that I could sleep in. I just popped my back and it made a really awesome cracking sound. It’s getting dark. Dude, come on and get COLD already! I really wanna wear my rad trench coat. What’s that smell? I have to sneeze. Maybe it will be cold tomorrow. I hope it’s cold enough for me to wear my hoodie. Why, hello, Eugene, how are you this evening? (Eugene is my gecko friend who has been getting on my window every single night for the past 4 months.) Okay, I’m done.

Peace out.

let’s cause a scene

I’m tired of trying to be witty. Most of the time it  just comes to me, but tonight I’m having to work for it. And being witty just isn’t worth it to me if it doesn’t come naturally. It’s probably because I’m tired. I really should be in bed. But the fact that I’m free from the bondage of school for tomorrow, I’m feeling rather rebellious against sleep. This week has been…busy. Busy doesn’t really seem like enough to describe just how busy I’ve been though. The second my feet hit the floor (way too early in the morning might I add), I’m on the go until the second my head hits the pillow oh so many hours later. My youth group is going camping again this weekend, and I’ve been helping my youth pastor and his wife get ready for that. Today Christi and I went grocery shopping, and ended up with two carts over loaded with stuff. It was slightly ridiculous. And of course I got stuck with the cart that was all jacked up and wanted to turn to the left. So I probably looked like an idiot wrestling with that stupid buggy trying to get it to get right when it was rolling to the left. And as soon as I finally got it going, I would have to stop, and ended up being drug halfway down the side walk, being forced to let go, jump back up and chase after it. I got some strange looks, and quite a few laughs, and even several applauds. Okay, I wasn’t fortunate enough to get any applauds, but I should have. I’m enjoying my last semester of enrichment classes. I really like the community service class I’m in. I love doing stuff like that. And I’m actually enjoying my Texas History class. Which is saying something considering I’m normally bored to tears during history. It’s just one of those subjects that I don’t really care for. But I like my teacher, and I’m with a bunch of friends, and getting highschool credit for it, so I’m happy. Well, I should probably get some sleep. Despite being off school tomorrow, I still have to get up and get everything done before we head out to our campsite. I’m not really looking forward to packing. I bid you all a goodnight.

break me down

Hello, beloved readers. Much has happened since the last time I wrote to you. And to be honest, even if I was capable of typing out everything that has happened, I wouldn’t. I used to really enjoy typing out many details about my life and about me…and I still do to an extent. But lately I’ve found that I enjoy being mysterious even more. So I think I’ll just stick to the basics of my simple thoughts that I don’t mind random people happening upon. Then again, there’s really nothing “simple” about my thoughts. As I’ve said so many times before, my biggest frustration tends to be my thoughts, and never being able to figure out exactly what they mean or how I feel. Being a girl, I tend to live life based upon how I feel. But as of late, with several traumatic events to help me out, I’ve decided I’m going to change that. I’ve been changing it. I wish I could say it has been easy, and only took one day, but I would be lying. It’s been hard…and being human, I know I will never fully master this art. Slowly and steadily, God has been working inside of me. I can feel it, and and even see it in myself. Things that would once be considered earth shattering are now tasks that I know God will see me through. I know it is one thing to say all this about change and loving the Lord…Many can talk the talk, but can we walk the walk? Incase any of you are wondering which walk I am talking about, it’s our walk with God. It’s one thing to say and pretend that you are changing…but you have to actually do it. Out loud. In spirit. Inside and out. It’s really between you and God. No one can determine where you are. But once they see it, no one will dare say otherwise. There’s a difference between being happy when life makes it easy, but having joy deep within when circumstances say you should feel otherwise. There is a time to mourn, and there is a time to rejoice. I’m sad to say that too much of my life time has been spent mourning when I should have been rejoicing. But along with many other things, I’m working on changing that also. I don’t want to be the typical person who only cries out to God when they’re afraid and realize that they’ve hit rock bottom and have no other way out. I realize that by verbally saying these things, that I have to live them. With your words can come great consequences and responsibility. I see and hear too many people saying these things when it’s easy…but when things get hard, or distractions and desires come along, they abandon those words that were once filled with hope for others. We are a light to others. I won’t give up and I won’t give in. The lost look to us for hope. It’s hard to find people who lead instead of the people who follow the distractions of the world. The smallest light can brighten the darkest of places. My biggest concerns in life used to be how many activities I had going on to keep me happy and busy. I used to worry about getting through with school for good, rather than taking my time to stop and actually learn so I can teach others. I used to worry if I got to do everything I wanted to do with my friends. I used to worry about having everything I wanted and felt I needed, rather than thinking of what I could do to help provide for those who truly need. Those things seem petty to me now. There are much more important things to me now. Do I enjoy hanging out with my friends? Of course. And I’ve found that by worry less about how much time I get to spend with them, and if I have enough friends, that people and time has been abundant. I enjoy having activities to keep me preoccupied  and on the go, but now that I’m not out searching every corner looking for satisfaction, I have activities being brought to me that I enjoy and are of better use. I could go on. I surround myself with people who encourage me and listen to me, and love me for who I am. People who help build me up, not tear me down. I’ve been working on giving God several of my heaviest burdens…it hasn’t been an easy process…but change is being made. I used to be afraid of change. Part of me still is…especially certain kinds of change. But without change, I would be the same person I was years ago. I always have so much to say. It can just be difficult to find the appropriate times to say what’s on my mind. I’ve grown to respect people who really think before they speak. People who just run their mouths every time a thought pops into their head just look ridiculous. I’m sad to say that at times I can be that kind of person. I view it in my mind as someone vomiting all over themselves. Smelly, disgusting, and embarrassing.

On a different note. Winter is just around the corner. Right now it’s cool and rainy. But I’m really looking forward to the day where it will be dark and cold. Grey skies and cold wind. I love coming in to a warm house after walking around outside on a cold day, my cheeks feel so cold and being all bundled up. Wool socks, giant hoodies, hot chocolate, warm fires to read in front of, breathing in the cold air, hot baths, bundling up in bed with tons of blankets, Christmas music, grey skies, Christmas trees layered in colorful lights and childhood ornaments, kids feeling giddy from thinking of opening presents on Christmas morning, songs of our Saviour’s birth being sung all around the world, cheesy yard decorations, mom’s home made chex mix. I could go on for hours. It’s my absolute favorite time of the year. As the songs say, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” and I agree whole heartedly.

I’m longing to say much more, but I think I’ll end here.

ps.
I know there are a ton of grammar and spelling mistakes, but I’m not even going to bother correcting them. haha!

therapy

Happy Thursday! I’m just chilling outside in the backyard on the patio with bdog. Apart from being a buffet for the mosquitoes that are feasting on me, it’s very pleasant out. As always, my heart longs for cold weather. School is going great so far. I will admit that I’m pretty darn excited about tomorrow being friday though. I know 7:00 am isn’t that early…but it kinda is for me. So to say the least, I’m looking forward to sleeping in. On Monday, I was sitting outside working on my biology enjoying the sunshine and cool breeze; well the cats decided to join me. No big deal, right? Wrong. Those darn cats are being stalked by a mocking bird. I can’t blame the bird for hating the cats, especially since they killed her babies. Anyways, I was sitting there peacefully, when this bird starts squawking. I chuckled to myself and went back to my reading. But I couldn’t concentrate. The bird was so loud that I couldn’t hear myself think. Well, Jupitor jumps up on the table, on top of my biology book, and that stupid bird starts dive bombing ME. Not the cat, ME. I’m serious. It yanked hair from my head and kept on screeching at me. Just imagine me screaming bloody murder, scooping up my books and with my free arm cradled over my head running full speed ahead to the garage trying to get inside. I’m sure my still being in my pajamas made the scene that much more humorous. It definitely would have gotten a few thousand hits on youtube if I had been unfortunate enough to have someone around with a video camera. Thankfully, I wasn’t. Yesterday Beth and I went over to the Frankland’s to watch a movie. Towards the end Danielle and I ended going up to her room to put some music on my ipod. I was going through her backpack trying to find a notebook, and instead I found a can of silly string. This giddy feeling took over me…I took the cap off of the bottle, and squirted some at Danielle. I couldn’t stop. I ended up emptying the whole can all over Danielle’s room. I had forgotten how much fun silly string really is. I wonder why spraying it inside is so much more appealing? But it’s a very satisfying feeling when you nail someone right in the face, which I did to Danielle on more than one occasion. She’s such a good sport. She didn’t get mad or anything! I love that kid to death. Bethany and Bekah left today to go to Colorado with some friends. I’m kinda bummed because I could have gone if I’d had the money for a plane ticket. Which I did…but I had to choose between a plane ticket, or emptying my savings account for my camera. I knew I would end up regretting it if I took all that money out of my account, so I stayed behind. I’m happy bethany and bekah got to go though. They’ve only been gone a few hours and I already miss them like crazy. I’m sooo close to being done with drivers ed to where I can get my permit. Like 30 minutes left till I go up to the office and say “Hey, FOO. Give me my permit!!” So I’m still working towards that. I won’t linger on the subject since it’s been a rather frustrating experience as far as finding time to get it done. But I’m excited. HOPEFULLY I’ll get my permit sometime next week. Keeping my fingers crossed. I’m really excited about this weekend. I have a bunch of stuff going on, so that makes me happy. Anyways, I suppose I’ve said all I really care to say.

just dance

Well kids, this is it. This is my last day of summer. It’s been a crazy one. I’ve had my ups and downs like every other teenage kid out there. I just wanted to give a quick update to let everyone know that I’m still alive before I head off o dream land. 7:00 am is gonna come early. Honestly, I’m really glad to be starting back school. The fact that mom and I went shopping for school supplies last weeks really helps too. Surprisingly enough, it was actually my first time to shop for school supplies. I had fun digging through the clearance boxes. The splashes of color caught my eye. It was a bit overwhelming at first. I tried not to grin the whole time. It was fun. On top of that, I’m ready for my routine again and to actually feel like I’m doing something productive throughout the day. Also, it means I’m that much closer to a life changing event. It’s official folks, I’m gonna be a nanny! I’m so excited! There’s a couple that has been going to my church for several years, and they’re actually my youth pastors and some amazing friends and they just got pregnant a few months back. They’ve been trying for a long time and the doctors even told them that they weren’t going to be able to have any kids. But God had different plans for them, and they’re going to have a little girl named Elyse (Ellie for short) and for obvious reasons, they didn’t want to put her in child care. Since I first found out they were pregnant I felt God pressing on my heart, but I didn’t really understand why. Well after talking to Christi some and her telling me how they didn’t want to put Ellie in child care, I began to start praying about helping out. After praying I started talking to my parents and asking them to pray with me. After several months of seeking advice and praying, I finally told Kevin and Christi that I had been praying about helping them out, and then we talked several times and all took time to pray with each other and talk. Well as of last week we made it official! I am so excited to be a part of  Ellie’s life. To watch her grow and help take care of her. It’s going to be hard, but I know this is what God has for me right now. So that’s pretty much the big news! I haven’t really had the time to update regularly, but I try to keep everyone posted on the big news. Enrichment is starting up soon. Sadly, this will be my last semester since I will be nanny starting in January. I’m excited to see everyone again. And I’m glad basketball season is starting up too. I really enjoy going to my friends games and cheering them on when I can. Well, I suppose I should finish getting ready for bed. I’ve spent the whole day in my room watching episodes of one tree hill. I’ve became and addict of that show as of this summer. I’m almost half way through the 3rd season and I’m HOOKED. It’s hard for me not to go out and buy them all at once. Self control is something I’ve really been practising this summer. Oh, and I have red hair now! Yes, yes I do! I freaking love it. Thank you so much danielle’s mom for making my hair fabulous once again!  Anyways, that’s all I have to say. Goodnight, loves!

 

EDIT:

My friend danielle’s mom posted this on one of danielle’s blog posts a while back, and I loved it so I thought I would share it!

Ah yes, guys don’t fall off of trees… neither do you pick them like fruit. God WILL bring each young woman a husband in His perfect timing… maybe he’ll walk into the clinic and say “I’d like to make an appointment”, or “can I leave my business card”. Could be maybe that the two will meet at a function like church or college classes… or maybe it’ll be someone right under your nose that you just never thought about that way. The point is that “dating” or “looking” means that you are working to “find” the one. I don’t think that is what God intends. Sit back and focus on who you need to be and let God grow you into the person that your spouse will need you to be. When His Perfect time comes… you will meet. In the meantime, look around you at some of the opposite sex that you know and decide what kind of person you’d like to spend the rest of your life with… watch how people interact with their friends, strangers and more importantly their families… don’t go looking for Mr. or Ms right… wait and let God develop you.

white suite with a black tie

I’d like to start off by apologizing to all of my readers for my absence. My summer has been pretty insane. These past several months were spent with many trips to the hospital to visit my grandfather in the ICU. Seeing him in the ER was easily one of the hardest things I’ve seen in my whole life. But I’d rather not dwell on that any longer than I have to. Last Saturday he passed away early in the morning. If there is one thing I can say about my grandfather, it’s that he was a stubborn man. He held on as long as he could. He loved shrimp almost as much as he loved life. It sound cheesy, but if you had ever met him when we went out to eat, you would know that he could chow down on that shrimp. It’s been a very emotional week for my family and extended family. It’s sad that times like these are the ones that most often bring us together. We laughed and cried together, and shared memories. It’s the hard times that bring us closet together. The funeral was on tuesday, and by wednesday we were all past worn out, but happy to be home. I got sick wednesday evening and ended up spending the whole night puking my guts out. I haven’t thrown up since I was 5 or 6, and now I remember why I was so proud of that used to be fact. Today I’m feeling much better, but tired. Here’s something I wrote in my notebook back on 8/8/09 (the day my grandpa died)

“Through all of this, I’ve learned something. Life isn’t all about me and what I’m going through or how I’m feeling. It’s about living for God and glorifying Him through the life He has blessed me with. If I’m constantly focused on me, then I’m blind to the others around me, and if I’m blind to all of those lost people, then how am I going to share God’s love with them? God brings beautiful things out of the ugliest situations in life. So here I am, hurting and broken, but never away from Jesus and His healing hands.”

I just think it’s so cool how God uses any and every situation to speak to us or through us. I’m excited and scared about future happenings. Life changing events are drawing closer and closer. Things that I have spent months upon months praying and seeking advice for are finally piecing together. A few weeks back I was going through this “funk”. I was mad. I didn’t really know what I was mad about, but I was mad about something. And I was sad. And after about a week of wallowing in self pitty, I went to a concert. My mind was else where most of the time. Feeling sorry for myself mostly. Then Katie, Mackenna and I spent the night at Danielle’s. We drank 1 liter of dr.pepper and half a liter of rootbeer and several energy drinks, and had some amazing God talk. During that talk I realized that I was going through life trying to satisfy myself. I felt like if I couldn’t be satisfied, then I couldn’t really be happy. I was acting as if God owed something to me and not the other way around. At that moment it was like someone smacked me upside the head (who knows, maybe Danielle actually did since she was sitting next to me, haha! and I felt pretty stupid. I could imagine what I looked like walking around sulking all that time just because I didn’t feel the way I wanted to feel. I was pretty pathetic. And somehow throughout all of these hard trials that have been going on, I’ve found joy. The verse “There’s a time to mourn and a time to rejoice” became real to me. I mourned, and then rejoiced. I’m not saying that I was perfect and smiley the whole time and didn’t feel sad or walk around with a bounce in my step. I don’t even really know exactly what it is that I’m trying to say. I’m still pretty exhausted. Just don’t take life so seriously. And stop living for yourself. Serve others before yourself, and spread the love of God everywhere you go. You’ll figure out how. 

I’m just sitting in my room at my desk with my box fan blowing on me, listening to some mellow music. My friends Russell and Erin just left today. The moved to New Mexico a few months back and were in visiting for a couple of weeks. It was awesome to get to spend some time with them. I’d forgotten how much I laugh whenever I’m around those guys. They’re some of my favorite people. And I also got to spend some time with my friend Hillary. That was awesome considering we’ve kinda lost touch over the course of several years. Sad how that happens, but you can spend today regretting yesterday. I think I start back school week after next. I’m actually ready for it now. I’m ready to be busy in a good way…like with school and doing things I enjoy. I guess I’m just ready to feel productive again and actually have a semi structured schedule. I guess that’s all I really care to say for me.

“I’ve been there too, when you’re falling apart and the best you can do is get through each day.”